Amber Brown Is Tickled Pink
Discover all the Amber Brown chapter books
Amber Brown Is Not a Crayon
You Can’t Eat Your Chicken Pox, Amber Brown
Amber Brown Goes Fourth
Amber Brown Wants Extra Credit
Forever Amber Brown
Amber Brown Sees Red
Amber Brown Is Feeling Blue
I, Amber Brown
Amber Brown Is Green with Envy
Paula Danziger’s
IS TICKLED PINK
Written by Bruce Coville and Elizabeth Levy
illustrated by Tony Ross
G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS
AN IMPRINT OF PENGUIN GROUP (USA) INC.
G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS • A division of Penguin Young Readers Group.
Published by The Penguin Group.
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Copyright © 2012 by Paula Danziger Estate. All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, G. P. Putnam’s Sons, a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 345 Hudson Street, New York, NY 10014.
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Published simultaneously in Canada.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Coville, Bruce. Paula Danziger’s Amber Brown is tickled pink / written by Bruce Coville and Elizabeth Levy ; illustrated by Tony Ross.
p. cm. — (Amber Brown chapter books)
Summary: Nine-year-old Amber is nervous and excited about her mother’s wedding to Max, but Amber’s father makes things complicated.
[1. Remarriage—Fiction. 2. Weddings—Fiction.] I. Levy, Elizabeth, 1942– II. Ross, Tony, ill. III. Danziger, Paula, 1944–2004. IV. Title. V. Title: Amber Brown is tickled pink.
PZ7.C8344Pan 2013 [Fic]—dc23 2011039493
ISBN 978-1-101-58155-1
To Paula,
Best friend, best laugh, best first reader, and queen of goofy gifts. You always said we could love each other, but not more than we love you. Well, we both still love you the most, and every day that we worked together on this book, it was as if all three of us were in the room. You would have had so much fun. Thank you for Amber, and thank you for you.
Love,
Bruce and Liz
Contents
For more in the series
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
A word from the real Amber Brown
Chapter One
I, Amber Brown, have to spend a million dollars.
Mrs. Holt just told me so. Actually, everyone in our class has to spend a million dollars.
Too bad it’s not real money. . . .
Mrs. Holt says spending a million dollars isn’t as easy as you might think. We have to have a lot of facts and figures. And we each have to make a pie chart.
I like eating pies . . . . not charting them.
“When the project is finished, we’ll have a Budget Fair so you can see each other’s work,” Mrs. Holt tells us.
I think a “Budget Fair” sounds like a place to go on really cheap rides and get half-price cotton candy.
Mrs. Holt starts to make a list of things we have to include:
1. Buy a house
2. Pay for college
3. Give to charity
4. Spend the rest in $25,000 chunks
Mrs. Holt likes lists almost as much as I do, but my lists are more fun. This is math, which is not my best subject. It makes me wish my best friend, Justin Daniels, still lived here. That’s nothing new . . . . . everything makes me wish Justin still lived here. But he and his family moved to Alabama last year.
We still talk on the phone and write to each other, but it’s not like having him right across the street.
Bobby Clifford raises his hand. This makes me think he’s going to make an armpit fart.
To my surprise, he actually has a question. “What about my car?”
“Put it in your budget . . . . . but remember, I want details. You’ll have to research the make and the price.” Mrs. Holt raises her arm. “Ready, class? Start your budgets . . . . .” She swooshes her arm down. “NOW!”
Jimmy Russell makes engine noises like he’s starting a race car. “Vrooom, vrooom, budget . . . . . vroom! Vroom!”
He is sooooo immature.
Mrs. Holt gives him the teacher look. He stops his engine.
She passes around printouts of real estate listings so we can start our house hunting.
I don’t want to look at them. In real life Mom and Max, the guy she’s going to marry, just bought a house.
It wasn’t so much fun.
I, Amber Brown, am only nine years old, but soon my mother will have her third last name since I’ve known her . . . which is all my life.
First she was Sarah Brown. Then she and my dad got divorced and she went back to being Sarah Thompson, which was her name before they got married. Now she’s about to become Sarah Turner. It’s a good thing her first name isn’t Pancake.
I look down at the budget work sheet. Number one is buy a house. We haven’t even moved into our new house yet and Mom is already worrying about how much everything costs. She says she feels like she and Max are leaking money. Not to mention worrying about how much the wedding might cost.
Number two is paying for college. During the divorce my mom and dad argued a lot about that. It made my stomach hurt.
So one and two on Mrs. Holt’s list make me cranky. Three
and four are a lot more fun. I start spending my $25,000 chunks.
1. $25,000 for the Justin Daniels/Amber Brown Travel Fund. That way we can get together whenever we want.
2. The Mom and Max Wedding Fund. In real life, Mom and Max are still figuring out what to do. Max wants a big wedding, Mom wants a small one. I’m with Max on this one. I think we should have an OTT wedding. Kelly Green taught me that phrase. It means “over the top.”
I, Amber Brown, am frequently over the top.
3. Speaking of Kelly Green, I would give her $25,000 to get her last name changed. I like Kelly . . . but I’d prefer to be the only kid in class with a colorful name.
What next? I look around the room and get more good ideas.
4. Brandi Colwin gets $25,000 to start an animal beauty parlor. We painted the toenails on her slobbery sheepdog, Darth Vader, once . . . . . one color per nail. Many pets could benefit from this treatment.
5. $25,000 to put on “Pickle Me Silly.” That’s the musical Brandi and Kelly and I are writing. We were inspired when we saw Brenda . . . . she’s my Ambersitter . . . . . in her high school musical. It was so much fun we decided to make one ourselves. So far we have half a song.
6. $25,000 for anti-nose-picking therapy for Fredrich Allen. He could use a session now. It’s such a habit with him, I bet he doesn’t even know his index finger is in his left nostril right this minute.
7. I see Hannah Burton staring at herself in her pocket mirror. I bet her charity budget is the “Me, Me, Wonderful Me” Fund. She gets $25,000 for a personality transplant.
Mrs. Holt looks over my shoulder. “Amber, please remember that you have to present your final project at the Budget Fair. Everyone in class will see it.”
I know I have to get serious. I look at my budget notes. I realize I put in something for Mom, but nothing for Dad. That makes me feel bad.
Ever since Mom and Max decided to get married and Dad moved back to town, I, Amber Brown, feel like a division problem.
I don’t need a pie chart . . . . . I feel sliced up already.
Chapter Two
“Ta-da!” Dad shouts. “I know who did it!”
I, Amber Brown, am so proud of my father. He has invented a new way to play our favorite game. His version . . . “Clue with Deadly Farts” . . . . . was inspired by the amazingly smelly digestive events of Dylan Marshall, the sixth grader who lives upstairs.
Dylan’s sister, Polly, puts down her cards. “All right, who was it?”
“Professor Plum in the library with an eye-watering bloozer that took the paint off the walls!”
If you’re playing with Dylan Marshall, “bloozer” is an important word to know . . . but you never want to be around one.
I always told Mom and Dad I wanted brothers and sisters. When Dad moved into the Marshalls’ house, I kind of got them.
Dad lives downstairs and I have my own room. Steve Marshall, who is divorced just like my dad, lives upstairs with his three kids . . . Polly, who is in high school . . . . Dylan, who thinks being gross is his passport to fame . . . and Savannah, who is a third grader.
It’s kind of cool. I, Amber Brown, an only child, now spend every other weekend in a house full of kids I actually like . . . . . mostly.
Right now I am really happy to be playing Clue with Deadly Farts. Especially because on Friday, when I left my most-of-the-time house, Mom and Max were fussing about the wedding.
It was starting to scare me. So many things can go wrong when two people get married.
Just look at what happened with Mom and Dad . . . . . or Steve and his wife.
Dylan is so happy with my dad’s invention that he’s rolling on the floor laughing. “We should make scratch-and-sniff cards to go with this game!” he shouts.
Polly rolls her eyes. “You are soooo disgusting, Dylan!”
But Dad agrees with Dylan. “His idea could make us a million dollars.”
“I have a million dollars,” I tell them. I explain about my new school project. I don’t mention that I forgot to put something for Dad in my first budget.
“That’s a good project. I wish your mom had learned about budgeting when she was in school.”
I glare at him. He blushes a little. He knows I don’t like it when he says bad things about Mom. He’s taking dad lessons to try to improve how he behaves with me.
I don’t think he’s ready to graduate yet.
Unlike Mom and Max, lately Dad has been acting like he doesn’t have to worry about money. He just got a new sports car. It’s bright red.
Mom calls it his middle-aged-man-starting-over car. I don’t know what that means, exactly, but she muttered it in a not very nice way. And she wonders where I get my “Little Miss Amber’s Sarcastic Voice.”
Dad isn’t the only one who could use some lessons in not putting down the other parent.
Dad tells me to pack up so he can take me home.
“Can I come along?” Dylan asks. He loves the new car.
Dad rolls his eyes.
“Oh, right,” Dylan says. “I forgot.”
One thing I love about the new car is that it only has two seats . . . so there is no room for Dylan. I don’t mind Dylan, really . . . . but I’m afraid he might have another digestive event. Since it’s too cold to roll down the windows, that could really be deadly. I don’t want to end up on a scratch-and-sniff card in our new Clue game.
I tell that to Dad as we’re getting in the car. He starts laughing so hard he begins to snort. He gives me a high five. Fortunately, we haven’t started driving yet.
I’m going to have to tell Justin about the scratch-and-sniff idea.
As we drive down Chestnut Street, where I live with my mom, I see Max storm out the front door. He slams it behind him.
He looks really, really angry—something I’ve never seen before. He gets in his car and slams that door too.
Max pulls out of the driveway before Dad and I turn in. I don’t think he saw us, but I know my dad saw him.
I turn to look at Dad. I see the start of a smug smile.
“Looks like there’s trouble in paradise.”
This makes me angry. But I’m also scared. I wonder what happened between Mom and Max.
“Dad, I don’t want you to come in.” I take a deep breath and then add, “And I don’t like it when you say things like that.”
His hands get tight on the steering wheel. He stares straight ahead for a minute, then mumbles, “Sorry I upset you, Amber.”
I notice he doesn’t say he’s sorry for what he actually said.
He definitely needs to keep taking those dad lessons.
Now I have to go in the house and see what’s going on with Mom.
Sometimes my parents are a lot of work.
Chapter Three
Mom is at the kitchen table. She looks up and tries to pretend that whatever happened wasn’t so bad. I can see it was so bad.
“Max and I had our first big fight.” She sighs.
My stomach gets tight. “Does this mean you’re not getting married?”
I don’t know what answer I want for that question. For a long time I wanted my mom and dad to get back together. When Mom first started going out with Max, I wouldn’t even meet him. In fact, I was kind of bratty about it.
But Max turned out to be a really nice guy. He coaches my bowling team, the Pinsters. Also, he laughs at my jokes, even the ones that make Mom groan. My friends all think I’m lucky to have him.
So I do know the answer. I want them to get married.
Mom gets up from the table. She goes to the refrigerator and opens the door. She stares at the shelves, then sighs and closes the door. Turning to me, she says, “No, the wedding isn’t off, honey. But with the expense of moving into the new house, I thought it would be better if Max a
nd I went to city hall to get married. We’d take you along, of course, and then go to a nice restaurant for lunch. It’s killing me to think of spending so much money on a wedding. Keeping it small would be smarter, but Max hates the idea.”
I don’t know how to tell Mom, but I’m on Max’s side. A tiny wedding is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.
No Aunt Pam?
No Justin and his family?
Nobody to see the great dress I don’t even have yet?
I, Amber Brown, have been studying weddings . . . . . and if I know one thing about them, it’s that you really need to have a great party. It’s called a reception. Music! Flowers! Food! Dancing! Kelly Green keeps telling me you always do the Chicken Dance at a wedding reception. She says it’s so much fun!
Besides all that, I, Amber Brown, have two important jobs at this wedding. I am supposed to be Mom’s bridesmaid and also Max’s best man . . . . . except Max and I changed that to best child. (Not the best child in the world . . . . . not a chance of that happening!)
I am supposed to give the toast at the party.
At first I wondered if that meant I had to be in the kitchen with some bread. Max explained it means I make a little speech teasing the bride and groom and wishing them good luck.
I, Amber Brown, am nervous about this, but I also really want to do it . . . even though I haven’t started writing it yet.
All that sure won’t happen if we only go to city hall.
And another thing . . . . . Mom told me I could invite Kelly Green and Brandi Colwin to the wedding. I already did it. What if now I have to tell them they can’t come?
The more I think about this, the rottener it gets.
“Mom, that is the worst idea that you have ever come up with. It’s worse than . . . . . worse than . . . . . worse than liver pancakes with broccoli syrup!”
I get a little smile from Mom. It doesn’t last long, but at least she doesn’t look like she’s going to cry anymore.